Master, We Have A Little Problem
by Scrambled-Dry
Summary: In the midst of the Clone Wars, a mysterious curse transforms most of the Jedi and Sith into their younger selves. Disney owns Star Wars.
1. A bad case of cooties

_Chapter 1_

_A bad case of cooties_

Master Plo Koon slipped his mask over his gaping maw. The Force trembled with the dark side. Such as it had been…

His comlink rang. Who would be calling at this hour?

"Mace, how are –"

"Plo, your…assistance is needed in the Council Chambers."

"On my way."

The Kel Dorian arrived to utter chaos in the council chambers. A teeny-tiny Yoda and an even tinier Yaddle toddled around, screaming their surprisingly unwrinkled green heads off. Mace sat in his chair, little legs hanging off the seat. "As you can see, we are cursed. You and Skywalker are the only adults who survived. I'm not sure why."

"Skywalker is highly resistant to Dark Curses, and no outsider knows what our young look like. It's a safety concern."

"I understand. I'm sure Kel Dor children are adorable."

"Why, thank you." Plo said dryly. "I'm assuming there is an…age…range?"

"Newborns to roughly age ten. We set up a nursery in the Archives. I am the only one who retained my adult mind. The Padawans and younglings are doing well taking care of their elders, considering the circumstances, but you and Skywalker _must_ determine the source of this curse, and find a way to reverse it. Skywalker is in the Archives. I hate to drag him away from Kenobi, but he is the only other able-bodied Jedi capable of this task.

Unbeknownst to the youth-stricken Order, the Confederacy had also suffered.

"Master! Master, where are you?" The Force felt so _cloudy_. She _needed_ it right now. Her gangly teenage limbs confused her. When was she _ever_ this short? Not to mention she looked like a _twig_.

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!"

"Oh no, not _him._"

Another feral roar echoed throughout the hallways.

"Not him, too!" She slapped herself with both palms. Where was she going? "Right. Find Dooku. MASTER!"

She followed his presence to his quarters. "Master! I need your help!"

"Enter!"

Asajj stepped inside the opulent room, and fought the urge to laugh.

"I see you've found the Fountain of Youth, too." The small boy said darkly, trying to frown. Instead, he pouted. He shook his long brown hair out of his big brown eyes.

"I think everyone has, I just don't know the ah…degree."

"Find out! If they ask, tell them I have a contagious disease."

"Yes, Master."

Asajj managed to make it to halfway down the hall before laughing.

_"Wyoop-wooo!"_

A teenage Kaleesh boy leaned against the wall, muscular arms crossed over his scaly chest. He had cannibalized his cyborg parts into vanguards and a mask, but he wore his cloak like a toga.

"How about that droid _escort_, hmm?"

"You still have nothing I could want, you overgrown lizard."

"Savvy, my wee-wee is broken! I nee' ah, hydrospanker to fizzit!"

"Brother, you cant use your wee-wee until you're older." Savajj sounded as if he had said the same thing several hundred times."

"MY WEE-WEE IS BROKEN! WAAAH! FIX IT! FIX IT!"

"Mine isn't." Grievous purred, twitching his ears and licking his short, blunt snout. He actually looked like a cross between a lizard and a dog. _How fitting._ Asajj thought bitterly as a seemingly unaffected Savajj rounded the corner with a screaming, bawling toddler Maul in his arms. He sniffled when he saw her. "Mommy?"

_Oh dear. He is a Nightbrother..._

"I'm a…friend of your mommy." Asajj said, glaring at Grievous as Maul ran over on his little chubby legs, almost tripping over his cloak-toga.

"Can you fix my wee-wee?" He said, looking up at her with those big golden eyes. His horns hadn't even come in yet.

"Eating breakfast will help." She said. She had no idea what to do with a child, and she wondered if Maul would remember this.

"Where's Dooku?" Grievous said, inspecting his claws.

"He has the plague."

"Whaz tha'?"

_"Cooties,_ kid. They're invisible little BUGS that crawl under your skin and eat you!"

"Shut your mouth, Grievous!" Asajj hissed.

"WAAAAH! COOTIES! COOTIES!"


	2. Revenge Of The Kids

_Thank you **Abdella, jesslyoko324, **and **silentcube65** for your reviews!_

_Note: Unless I get overwhelming support for a permanent AU (think JJ Abram's **Star Trek**)...*something* will fix all the AU stuff._

_Chapter 2_

_Revenge Of The Kids_

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Grievous roared.

"Don't yell at my brother!" Savajj growled, stepping forward. He now towered over the teenage reptile. "Don't you have any children?"

"Leave my family out of this." Grievous hissed, sounding more like his adult self. "He is a child. He needs to learn discipline. See? He's not crying anymore."

Indeed, Maul had remembered _something_ about not crying. Something bad. Crying was…oh, he didn't know the word. Baby? "Am I a baby?"

"No, you're a toddler. A little bigger than a baby." Asajj said, gentling her voice in hopes of making the adult Maul considerably less annoying. "Let's eat breakfast."

"I want crispy bacon and three eggs over easy." Grievous said sternly as soon as they arrived in the prep kitchen.

"Cook it yourself." Asajj growled. Savajj groaned internally as he tried to find something…child-friendly…in the pantry. He didn't remember what little Nightbrothers ate. Luckily, Maul seemed perfectly content pressing buttons on the stove.

"WAAAH!" He stuck his burned fingers in his mouth.

"Maul, why did you do that?" Savajj said, crossing the prep kitchen in two strides. "Let me see. Your fingers are fine."

"They're all nice and _crispy._" Grievous said, poking his tongue between his teeth.

"MY FINGERS!" Maul screeched. "MINE!" He started biting his tiny claws to prove it.

Grievous ignored him. "Asajj, cook my breakfast. Right now!"

"You cook your own breakfast."

"You're the only woman here, and _women_ cook."

Asajj threw the frying pan at Grievous' head. He ducked. "Looks like I need to teach you some _manners._" He pointed at the frying pan. "Now pick it up, wash it, and –"

A sharp bite on his ankle interrupted his blatand disregard for feminism courtesy of Maul taking the term "ankle biter" literally. He spanked the little brat and threw him across the room, half-expecting the usual macho gymnastics routine. Instead, Maul hit the wall. He regained consciousness within seconds. "Savajj! What has happened to me?" He touched his throat, snarling. "I sound like a _child._ Find me a mirror!" He inspected his fingers. "My fingers are burned! How did this happen?"

"You are a child, brother. A Sith curse turned us young again. Well, some of us."

"Who is the overgrown lizard?"

"Grievous." Asajj said.

"What are _you_ doing here, witch?"

"I captured –"

"No, _I_ captured them." Grievous snarled. "Now, where are my bacon and eggs?"

"Hmm, that sounds delicious. Ventress! Make us breakfast!" Maul barked. Or rather, squeaked.

"Aww, does someone need a nap?" Asajj countered.

"I do not need to sleep! I might look like a child, but I am _not_ a child! I am Lord Maul!"

"Ventress…I believe you are the only one who knows how to cook." Savajj said.

"Bacon. Eggs. _Now._ Or I will –" Grievous proceeded to tell Asajj her punishment for insolence, and got a knife thrown at him. Again, he ducked.

"If I could use the Force –" She growled.

"Oh, is Ventress so dependent on the Force she cannot fight without it?" Maul said in a mock-concerned voice. Unfortunately, he sounded totally adorable. "Where is Count Dooku?"

"He has…cooties." Savajj said, assuming cooties was the specific type of "plague," Maul grimaced. "Is he in quarantine?"

"Cooties aren't real, you idiot." Asajj growled.

"Cooties is a rare, and highly contagious, bacterial infection, usually affecting human children under the age of ten. It causes necrotizing fasciitus."

"Maul –"

"Silence, witch! My _Master, _Lord Sidious, showed me a sample in his laboratory!"

"Lord Sidious? You trained under _Sidious?_" Grievous growled.

"Yes. Twenty-five _years_. When I grow up, I will serve him once more. With Dooku infected with a fatal disease, I will take his place as the rightful heir to the Sith!"

"In your dreams, kid." Grievous said.

"I am _not_ a child!"

"You look like a child, sound like a child, and walk like a child. Therefore, you are a child." Grievous retorted. He cracked his knuckles. "We're hungry, Asajj! Cook breakfast! NOW!"

"No! I am not cooking for you imbeciles!" She activated her lightsabers.

Savajj stepped in front of Maul. "You come near my brother –"

"Maul? No, he's too cute to kill. _Grievous,_ on the other hand…"

"What is going on?"

Count Dooku toddled in, a spare pillowcase fashioned into a jumpsuit of sorts. He looked down his tiny nose at Maul.

"Dear me, you still look freakish."

"You will not infect me with cooties!" Using the food prep knife, he made short work of the perfectly healthy Sith Lord. The Force shuddered, inflicting the next stage of the curse…


	3. The Next Gerber Baby

**My apologies for the update delay. I have rewritten this chapter FIVE times in between updating my Batman fics. Again, please be vocal if you want this to end as an AU or have *something* happen to fix the AU stuff in the end. Might put a poll up.  
**

**Thank you _Abdella, jesslyoko324, silentcube64, and GreySilhouette_ for your reviews!**

_Chapt__er 3_

_The Next Gerber Baby_

"WAAAAAHHHH!"

Anakin blinked, and the thing screamed again. This time, _right in his ear._

"Okay, okay…oh hey there."

The most adorable little creature he had _ever_ seen squalled again. Anakin didn't know where to begin describing how cute the baby was. Even the piercing wails couldn't tarnish the image of perfect babyhood. He wrapped the baby in his cloak – no adult clothes, or any clothing, in sight so the little tyke must have crawled over - and carried the tiny bundle of utmost joy to the nursery. A very welcome sight greeted him.

"Ahsoka! You're back to normal!"

"Yeah – ohh, he's such a little cutie! Who is he?"

"No idea, but I think he's hungry."

"He looks avian. But Master Krell is about four."

The baby continued to cry, tears leaking over his tiny beak. The tiny fins on top of his head wiggled.

"Master Plo might know." Anakin said. At the mention of the name, the baby turned his head to look at him. "Master Plo?!"

"Where's his mask?" Ahsoka screeched. "He'll die if he grows up much more. I don't know how he's breathing oxygen in the first place."

"I don't know! He must have crawled over. What about Shah?"

"She went from twenty-five to five, but she retained her adult mind. How are Kel Dor babies this cute?!" Ahsoka groaned. "Not saying Plo is ugly, but _look at him!_"

"Wait, don't look at him."

Ahsoka shut her eyes. "Uh…he's not that cute. I mean, he's sweet, but not totally adorable."

"Maybe it's a defense mechanism to disable predators."

"We have to get him inside a pod before he grows up again!"

Plo scratched and pawed at the pod.

"Shah?" Ahsoka said.

"Yes?" She squeaked. "Can I come out now?"

"Not yet. Plo turned into a baby. He's breathing oxygen." Ahsoka said.

"They can do that until they're a year old, but they can breath kellium, too."

"I think he's maybe a month old." Anakin said. "What does he eat?"

"We can't eat until we are two. We absorb moisture through the air."

"Okay. That makes things easy." Ahsoka said. "Anyone else affected? Any patterns?"

"It seems completely random, but I think Dooku's death triggered another wave. It feels like a wave, anyway, but unpredictable."

"I've already stabilized anyone at risk for injury or death after a wave." Ahsoka said. "Who killed Dooku, anyway?"

"I had a vision of Darth Maul in a galley, roughly three standard years, along with Dooku, roughly five standard years. Both had their adult minds, although Maul seemed afraid of Dooku even as he sliced him to pieces with a kitchen knife…as if Dooku harbored a deadly disease."

Ahsoka knew what was going on in Anakin's head. "If the Sith are affected, all it would take to unleash a biological weapon would be one of them losing their adult mind." She said, in a desperate attempt to distract him.

A knock on the door revealed a seven-year-old Bariss Offee. "Ahsoka, I found Master Plo's clothes, mask, and goggles in the hallway.

"Thank you, Bariss. I'll keep an eye on him." Shah said kindly. "How are you holding up?"

"It's strange being so short."

"Great. Ahsoka, let's search the hallways."

Once in the solitude of the hallways, Anakin's expression changed.

"Master, you don't know if the curse brought your mother back to life."

"Obi-Wan cut Maul in half. No one survives that kind of injury. I have to find my mother. You stay here. Keep me informed of any changes."

"And what if I change, Master? You're the only one who hasn't! We need you, Master. All of us. We are all vulnerable. You're the onlyhope we have if the Order is attacked!"

Her comlink rang. "It's Padme."

"Ahsoka?"

"Padme, I'm in the Temple. What's going on?"

"Palpatine is dead."

"_What?"_ Anakin said. "Padme, what do you mean? He can't be..."

"He's dead. Multiple organ failure caused by a necrotic agent. Hazmat has half the Senate shut down. He didn't show up for lunch, and he _always_ shows up for lunch, he didn't answer his comlink, nor his holomail, so I asked his security droid to check on him…everyone is really worried about the Jedi because no one has returned any calls.

"Padme, we're in…quarantine for a sleeping sickness. The Republic cannot rely on us at this time, and we don't how long. We have our own quarantine protocols, laboratories, everything we need. Anakin is immune. We will make a statement once we know more about this disease." Ahsoka said.

"Alright." Padme rubbed her temples. "I have to help the Security Council now. Be…be brave."

"We will." Ahsoka said, more strongly than she felt.


	4. Best Dad Ever!

**Thank you Anonymus for you review!**

"Daddy! Sing me a bedtime song!" Toddler Savajj said to Adult Grievous.

"Daddy! Your horns are so pretty!" Toddler Asajj said to Adult Maul.

"STOP CALLING ME DADDY!" Maul yelled, prompting a double dose of tears and wails.

Grievous and Maul were now fully-grown. After sorting out the clothing problems, the toddlers' had attached themselves to their "daddies." Their anguish sent Grievous into Super Dad mode. Five minutes later, a bewildered Maul observed the sleeping toddlers.

"How did you do that?"

"I have twenty-nine children." Grievous said proudly, enjoying the look on Maul's face.

"Where are we going to put them?" Maul whispered.

"Somewhere safe."

"Where?"

"Away from fire, electrical outlets, sharp objects, wild animals…"

"Was that meant for me?!" Maul said.

"No, I was referring to Dooku's pet feline."

"Ah, Truffles. I'll take care of her."

Maul found Truffles grooming in Dooku's quarters. The fluffy, white, blue-eyed creature jumped on Maul's shoulder, purring. Maul loved cats, although he would never admit that to anyone. Their sharp teeth, their dainty steps, their glowing eyes…

Back at the Temple, Anakin was packing his things for a trip to Tatooine.

"MASTER!"

"What now, Ahsoka?"

She groaned internally. "I'm THREE DIGITS AWAY from disabling _The Invisible Hand's_ security system! Not to mention WE _need_ you!"

_Hopefully this won't take long..._"Alright. Good work."

"Thank you."

It took Anakin all of ten seconds to break in.

"Shah said Dooku died in the -"Ahsoka said, but Anakin had already initiated an identity check.

"That's Dooku. About four standard – whoah! What _is_ that?"

"A Kaleesh."

"Grievous, maybe? Hang on, maybe I can find the previous security records…no, they're wiped."

"Where's Maul?"

"Probably ransacking Dooku's quarters." He uploaded some _special_ software –

"Master, did you just upload a _virus_?"

"No, I'm just testing their security protocols."

She glared at him.

"What? This is –"

_"I love cats, I love every kind of cat, I just want to hug ALL of them but I can't -"_ A fully alive and intact Maul sang under his breath, rubbing a fluffy white feline behind the ears.

"I wish Obi-Wan could see this." Anakin said.


End file.
